Writing

Excerpt from Substack

“An unexpected joy that I have felt over the years has been witnessing the platonic friendships that my husband forms with partners of mine.

The concept of a Metamour was something that I was completely unaware of when we began exploring ENM in 2014, and when I think back to that time in our relationship journey- I’m not sure that my mind was in a place to understand and appreciate the possibilities of the Metamour connection.

There are so few public examples showing healthy Metamour relationships that it can feel like very new and unusual social terrain to carve through. Of course, Metamour relationships are not new, it’s just not a normalized friendship, let alone one that is celebrated for the beauty that this type of connection can hold.

From what I witness, Metamour relationships between women who share a male partner can be more common. ‘Harem Collecting’ or ‘One Penis Policy’ is a patriarchal approach to Open Relationships that will have many ENM / Poly dinner table ethics debates in full swing. I’ll often ask ‘ENM’ men if they truly are Compersive and egalitarian in their approach, or if they are simply wanting a group of women to be in service to them, and them alone…”

Excerpt from Substack

“I have found myself saying out loud lately to others that moving from monogamy to sexually focused non-Monogamy was a playful skip in Central Park compared to the emotional gravity of moving from sexual non-Monogamy to Polyamory. After being an ‘emotionally monogamous’ couple for the entirety of our relationship, moving into polyamory has brought beauty, change and unique growing pains into our marriage.

Non-Monogamy takes on many different and intricate forms. Over the years I have witnessed the divide of ideologies within the non-Monogamous communities. Those on the swinging end of the spectrum value many monogamous principles that encompass heavily coupled, emotional entwinement. It is commonplace that swingers, or ‘monogamish’ folks can look upon Polyamory as an intense threat to their established emotional bond. Swinging can be a place purely for sexual expression, yet it is oftentimes packaged within its various dynamics of play, with an emphasis placed more so on the experiences themselves rather than the people and connections within those experiences…”

Excerpt from Substack

“Not all non-monogamous people unpack and move through their deeply ingrained patriarchal beliefs.

As a woman who is bisexual and non-monogamous, I am open to connections with other women and men. My husband does not play into the “I’m all the man you need” approach to non-monogamy. He does not capitalise on my bisexuality to fulfil a harem fantasy. Sure, threesomes and moresomes and connections with other women between my husband and I are incredible, but they are but an aspect of our expression of non-monogamy, not a motivating factor led by him, or by me - to cater to him.

It can take a lot of inner work for people to move through their internalised patriarchal beliefs which is understandable considering we have existed in a male centered society for so long...”